Out in the world vs in your head

Article by Jo Balfour

One of my New Year’s intentions this year has to wring my hands less at work. It’s part of a sustainable stress management plan.

Hand-wringing is quite specific, I know, but the concept behind it is around not getting the ‘guilts’ or the ‘niggles’ that I’m letting someone down or upsetting them with a decision.

Stress-free decisions come from quick and straightforward communications around news or views.

Hand-wringing comes from putting off telling clients you’re going on holiday.
That’s probably not revolutionary but, despite being a strong and resolved individual, last year, I learnt the hard way.

In the third year of running my business, I put off telling my clients I would be away for two weeks because I feared they might hate / sack me / wish sushi food poisoning on me. Not that my clients are that way inclined in the slightest, but in my head, I was scared to tell them. By the time I’d mustered up the conversation, it simply was too late to organise my trip, and I postponed my holiday.

Consequently, I put off fulfilling a lifelong desire to see the cherry blossom in Japan because the guilty conversation in my head was greater than the reality.
As a result, I mentally kicked myself every day for a few months reminding myself that I did not endure the scary-start-a-business thing only to give in to the fear so readily. Funnily enough, two months after the intended trip, I actually resigned the main client I dreaded telling in the first place.

So, if you have a difficult conversation to have, perhaps a fee increase, taking leave, shutting down over Christmas, a change of staff to an account, here are some considerations before you end up exhausting yourself mentally or compromising:

1) Acknowledge the niggle or the fear, however extreme, and preferably on paper. These might include: will my client sack me, will this damage the relationship, will I be able to pay my mortgage, will my staff member sit and watch YouTube all day while I’m away?)

2) Rationalise the niggle and acknowledge the real-world outcome. Discuss it with friendly ears to get another perspective.

3) Consider the objections of the other party and brainstorm a range of potential solutions.

4) Give yourself a timeframe or schedule an appointment in your diary to discuss the news and solutions.

5) If having difficult conversations is something you struggle with, then once complete, afford yourself an reward. Perhaps it’s two hours off work at a time when you should be working, an issue of your favourite magazine or one you always want to buy but think is too expensive. It needn’t be food, and it needn’t be expensive.

6) Acknowledge the mental freedom and energy you saved, and gave, yourself so you feel safe to do it again in the future.

As it happens, a client told me last month they had delayed a major launch to early April. 

You might be pleased to know that, emboldened by my New Year’s intention, I explained I would be on leave in Japan at the time, would be disappointed to miss the event but had a range of solutions set out in advance to ensure the launch went smoothly for them.

Instead of the disappointed response I expected, my client responded with great interest about my travel plans.  Not the story I told myself in my head last year at all!

It strikes me that we females could save ourselves a great deal of worry by communicating the story as it is in the real world, instead of how it is in our head.
Until next time, this salary (wo)man is getting out into the world and is off to Japan, sayounara.

Jo Balfour runs PR and Communications at Progressiva, a boutique PR agency specialising in helping consumer, business sand online technology companies tell their story. She loves hearing about business challenges and tough decisions. Email her jobalfour@progressiva.com.au